Case File 129 with Roast Mortem Cast

This week on Thought Cops we’re joined by all four members of the podcast Roast Mortem! If you haven’t checked em out yet, they do a great show where they roast the shit out of dead people. And as it turns out, most of them deserve it.

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Thought Cops episode featuring Roast Mortem podcast

Field Notes

This episode, Cody, Mike, Tom, and Travis throw their history books out and pick up a the book of LAW. With their help, we take down the cafeteria table meme, self-righteous news anchors, Facially Exaggerated Clickbait Engagement Screencaps, the entire internet for destroying our Geocities sites, the overdone trend of turning every song into a metal cover, and irritating Instagram features.

That’s not all though. There’s a new slur in town: Fredo. Coined by a guy who really likes coining slurs for himself. People are also upset that Rocko’s Modern Life made a character trans. Looks like that show’s about to get fucking cancelled. I wanted “modern life,” not “post-modern neo-Marxist” life. News also broke this week that everybody’s favorite porn star Mia Khalifa only made $12,000 from her brief career in pornography. Please donate to her Porntreon.

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 128 with Justin Whang

Creator of Tales From The Internet, Justin Whang (Instagram / Twitter) is back on the show! Justin’s channel is about to hit 500,000 subscribers, so be sure to hit that big red subscribe button and you might just be the lucky 500,000th subscriber. Maybe Justin will give you a prize or something, I don’t know.

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128-thought-cops-justin-whang

Field Notes

Point of privilege: we are going to be talking throughout the episode. There is also some clapping, so keep in mind this episode may not be for the faint of heart. So yes, we do talk about that DSA video.

Did You Know? In the face of national tragedy, people still die from the flu. Thanks Neil deGrasse Tyson. People are letting this guy scoot by because he’s a meme, right? Well, at least he isn’t a dog-beating YouTuber.

All that, and YOUR listener voicemails? You better believe it- don’t miss this episode!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 126 with Brett Mercer of Big Time Garbage

It’s that time of the week, folks: garbage day, once again. Our good friend Brett Mercer of Big Time Garbage was in Neo-Chicago this week so you know that we had to do it to ’em.

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Field Notes

We might have had a little too much Malört this episode, but that’s never stopped us from doing our civic duty and doing it like a mother fucking sir. So, have a seat, this one’s a wild one. Oh, but uh, before ya do, keep in mind chairs are gendered now too, and cock and ball torture is mandatory. So whether you got a man hole or something else, no one is safe.

Being that Brett is visiting, we need to discuss the problem with Chicago pizza elitists, and put an end once and for all to the thinkpieces about what a real Chicago pizza is. We don’t play games here, and we aren’t Monopoly truthers either. Pass go and tell your friends to listen to Thought Cops.

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 125 with Alex Schultz of Be Nice To Me Productions

Well hey, would you look at that! With us this week is Alex Schultz of Be Nice To Me Productions, a Chicago-based YouTube sketch comedy group, with some real wild-ass vidz that must be seen to be believed.

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Field Notes

Hey guys, there is an app on your phone that makes you look like an old FUCK. Check it out- here’s me!

Bagel Boss. 5 feet of pure bagel dough and rage! You aren’t god, or his father, or his boss, so make sure not to skip out on this embarrassing video! Make sure to watch it before you and all your facebook friends get gunned down by federal agents for trying to Naruto run your way into Area 51. Warning: This Is Epic.

There’s a new James Bond, and people are talkin’ about it! Spoiler: People have strong opinions on it. Spoiler: It isn’t Scarlett Johansson.

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 124 with Luke Taylor of The Shrimp Boys

Go nuts- we’ve got Luke Taylor of The Shrimp Boys and Helltrap Nightmare in studio with us this week after waging a posting war against Mr. Peanut and his many minions. Luke runs us through his harrowing tale of getting lightly salted, and lightly cancelled.

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Field Notes

Neo-Chicago, we’re in you! You beautiful cyberpunk city, I keep comin’ back cause I just can’t get enough of your sweet… ass?

Well, it’s the summertime, and you know what that means. That’s right, make sure to watch the dial on your air conditioner because cold temperatures may reinstate outdated gender norms. How? Your guess is as good as ours, zaddy! Disney is remaking another one of their classic animated films into another lifeless live action shell. This time it’s The Little Mermaid, and this time she is black. Well? Are you going to buy a ticket now?

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 123 with Martin Felshman

Greetings! This week we have Chicago comedian Martin Felshman in studio (bedroom). Martin runs the weekly show Cupcake Comedy Cabaret here in Chicago, so if you’ve got a sweet tooth and want some laughs, don’t miss it! Martin is also the co-host of another Chicago podcast, Podzooky! So if you wanna hear about kaiju and want some laughs, don’t miss it! Oh yeah, Niko is here too!

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Field Notes

We’ve got a lot of problems this week, and none of them are “smol” potatoes. Pokemon fans are upset their favorite ‘mons might be left behind in a movement they’ve dubbed “Dexit”! In dumb people news: the bottle cap challenge is very popular.

5 words I’ve been waiting my whole life to say: The Dalai Lama Is Cancelled. That’s right, folks. That news may be hard to swallow, so make sure to wash it down with a hearty swig of GamerGirl Bath Water. It’s only $30 a jar.

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 122 with Derrick Acosta of Mega64

This week we’re joined by Derrick Acosta of Mega64 and the Heartslayers podcast on episode 122 of Thought Cops! Make sure to give him a follow and a watch and a listen on all platforms! And check out this amazing fucking Metal Gear Solid video Mega64 made a little over a month ago:

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Derrick Acosta from Mega64 and Heartslayers on episode 122 of Thought Cops

Field Notes

This episode, Derrick helps us take down the thought criminals of the week, of which there are many. Louis CK performed at a ska festival called Skankfest and gave the audience a standing o. Or they gave him one. Oh god how do I find my way out of this euphemism.

Evangelion comes to Netflix, and everyone hates it. Because a boy doesn’t tell another boy he loves him or something. And then he jerks off into his hand? While New York, New York by Frank Sinatra’s playing in the background. Man, is anime weird.

Kim Kardashian tries to trademark the word “kimono” so as punishment we tie her to a chair and make her watch Andrew Dice Clay perform standup with Roseanne Barr. Shut the fuck up and take my money.

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Case File 121 with Danny Thompson of ShadowForks Games

I hope you’re all standing, because we’re about to start a new episode of Thought Cops! Joining us this week is Danny “The Street” Thompson of ShadowForks Games. He’s here to talk to us about the ethics in games journalism.

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Field Notes

Make sure to check out our call into Mega 64’s Poorly Played Stream!

Here’s Danny’s video about Death Note: The Musical:

 

This week, we try not to let the existential dread kick in as we talk about ironically detached stock phrases, the lack of sympathy the internet has for people, and the litter all over the streets and sidewalks. Danny also regales us with tales of his trip to E3.

This week we also make Gaten Matarazzo get a real fucking job, we talk about Rachel Dolezal doing bisexual-face, and OJ Simpson’s brand new Twitter account. We also narrowly avoid talking about Kyle Kashuv getting rejected from Harvard for saying the n-word, and something else about Anita Sarkeesian being in the news. Phew!

Make sure to subscribe to our Twitch channel! We’re Twitch affiliates now. Hooray!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Fire Bros: Book 11

Welcome to Book 11 of Fire Bros, the Thought Cops bonus episodes! This month, we’re talking about the final season of Game of Thrones, Detective Pikachu, John Wick 3, and Hereditary. If you have any suggestions for next episode, drop em below! Thanks for listening, and thanks for supporting the show.

Download Episode 11 of Fire Bros HERE!

Game of Thrones- 2:03
Detective Pikachu- 19:24
Hereditary- 38:24
John Wick 3- 1:07:22

Fire Bros episode 11, featuring discussion about Detective Pikachu, Game of Thrones, Hereditary, and John Wick 3

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