Case File 157 with Cripp Daddy

Cripp Daddy, aka Yung Cripp joins us this week for a delightful episode of Thought Cops to be enjoyed by all. You can follow him on Twitter, Youtube, Twitch, and catch him at a show he’s performing at whenever this whole corona virus thing blows over.

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Field Notes

 

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Case File 156 with Martin Felshman

Cupcake Comedy Cing (pronounced ‘King’, really stretching for alliteration here) Martin Felshman returns to the program! Martin hosts a kaiju-themed comedy podcast called Podzooky, which Kevin and Grant have both been on!

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Field Notes

Thought Cops the GOAT ­čÉÉ

The CDC advises one of the only ways to avoid contracting the Corona Virus is to grow a Hitler ‘stache- AKA “The Toothbrush”. Bloomberg campaign offices are politely vandalized this week, and conservatives create their own Shadow the Hedgehog to compete with liberal’s Sonic the Hedgehog, AKA Greta Thunberg.

Pokemon gets accused of whitewashing, we debate whether or not twitter is real life, and we play lots of YOUR voicemails!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 155 with Leslie Lee III

Struggle Session’s own Leslie Lee The Third joins us this week to lay down a lot of law with us.

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Field Notes

“Tell me something I don’t know”

War is senseless, and nothing is more senseless than the war between Sonic the Hedgehog and Birds Of Prey, now in theaters. Streaming sweetheart Ninja releases yet another statement about how it’s hard out there a Gamer, and McDonald’s releases a bunch of disgusting meme candles. Your house can smell like pickle juice on purpose, because apparently that’s funny.

We play YOUR listener voicemails and a whole lot more- this episode simply mustn’t be missed!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 154 with Mitch Kamaiopili

Local Chicago comedian Mitch Kamaiopili joins us for this week’s episode of Internet Investigations Incoporated, a Thought Cops Company.

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Field Notes

This week, Mitch aids us in the fight against airplane seat punchers, NASA hoaxes, PSAs for straight dudes idolizing bad characters, motivation porn, and cat instagrams turning into baby instagrams.

Also a moment of silence for the Romphim. 2017-2020. Also a moment of silence for Papa John’s reputation, which breathed its last breath this week when he revealed he didn’t really eat 40 pizzas in a month. How else will I be disappointed in 2020? Tune in next week to find out!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 153 with Rem Dickman of The Rich Dickman Show

We’re joined by Rem of The Rich Dickman Show this week on Thought Cops!

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Field Notes

Remember the Super Bowl? That was an entire year ago. Also though it was last week. And apparently the NFL is facing some trouble for having too sexy of a halftime show.

Officer Grant was also vindicated this week because of his prediction that marketing campaigns, such as the Planter’s Peanuts “Baby Nut” mascot, are trying to turn us all into babies. Goo goo.

There’s also a fun new social media app called Giggle that’s only for women, and there is definitely nothing that could be problematic as a result of the face-scanning software they use on the website.

We also help topple the Roman empire, cancel Abraham Lincoln, and we all get verified on Twitter. Hooray!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 152 with Andrew Shankland

Welcome one and all, to another installment of Thought Cops. This week, Andrew Shankland returns to the program.

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Field Notes

Sick of your friends telling you that we’re living in the movie Idiocracy? Yeah, so are we. However, this week America comes together to mourn the loss of one of it’s greatest icons: Mr Peanut. Sound familiar? A MSNBC host has a major flub where her one job was to not have that one specific flub, and there are some new emojis I guess. Check em out!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 151 with Witten

Better call the business number for the police, because Witten joins us for this auspicious episode of Thought Cops this week. You might recognize her from this video:

You can follow Witten on Twitter and Instagram. And possibly outdoors in a cage somewhere public. Gotta give the people what they want.

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Field Notes

Jeffery Epstein might not have killed himself, but we might’ve just caused the actor who voices Apu on the Simpsons to. Finally we caused economic harm to happen to a boomer instead of vice-versa.

Speaking of economic harm, some people out there can’t even afford a toothbrush, and spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on a lawsuit for one that only costs one cent. Nothing surprises me anymore.

Finally in outrage news this week, Vince Vaughn, lifelong republican, shook hands with the President of the United States. I demand Blockbuster Video give me a full refund for my purchase of the DVD of Dodgeball that I purchased in 2004.

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Fire Bros: Book 15

Welcome to Book 15 of Fire Bros, the Thought Cops bonus episodes! This month, we’re joined by Witten, who helps us review Uncut Gems, Happy!, The Irishman, and Mandy. If you have any suggestions for next episode, drop em below! Thanks for listening, and thanks for supporting the show.

Download Episode 15 of Fire Bros HERE!

Uncut Gems- 3:01
Happy!- 19:42
The Irishman- 32:19
Mandy- 42:01

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Case File 150 with LowRes W├╝nderbred

Hope you’re having a normal one, because this week on Thought Cops we have the talented, wonderful LowRes W├╝nderbred to help us lay down the law AESTHETICALLY. You can find his Youtube channel here and his trippy website, podcast, and everything else here.

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Field Notes

Keep having a normal one, my dude! You can only listen to this episode today! Hurry up, before the dopamine runs out.

LowRes helps us trudge through the bullshit news of the week, from Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina-scented candle, to Meghan Markle and her husband (whoever that is) leaving the Royal Family, to Jillian Michaels challenging Lizzo to a pushup contest. You can see why the dopamine hasn’t been doing its job lately. Anyway, hope this episode is a good way to start your week!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 149 with Alex Schultz

Be Nice To Me Productions‘ own Alex Schultz returns to the program this week!

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Field Notes

K9 Service Pupparino Alex “Woof Woof” Schultz promotes his newest magnum dong opus “A Profoundly Angry Young Man“. Keep your eyes open and you may just see your second-favorite Thought Cops host make an appearance!

Twitter announces they are rolling out a new feature where when you say “don’t @ me”, no one will. Warner Brothers announces that they are going to use an AI program to produce movies, and a polyamorous couple announces they have snacks for their boyfriend’s girlfriend’s girlfriend.

Don’t miss this one, simps!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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