Case File 9

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Welcome to yet another episode of Thought Cops. This week we cover topics such as diversity killing comic book sales, Elizabeth Warren paying women less than men, and the one thing Nazis just can’t seem to get enough of: milk. Milk so white it’s not even allowed to even look at a Science March, let alone walk in it.

But the top story this week is what’s on everyone’s lips right now: a nice, cold, refreshing Pepsi. A Pepsi so cold and refreshing that the world rejoiced jubilantly and joined together singing angelic choruses, ending all wars, weaving the fabric of humanity together into an impenetrable shield against the very forces of evil. Or something like that. Anyway, here’s the stupid fucking Pepsi ad.

I hate sticking up for illiterate pop culture icons, but in the show I try to make the point that it’s not Kendall Jenner’s fault this happened so much as it’s corporate America’s sanitized, watered down, focus-grouped pandering that says “we support your message as long as you keep buying our delicious canned corn syrup.” Or maybe I’m wrong and Kendall Jenner is literally Hitler. Who isn’t nowadays.

There’s an interesting phenomenon surrounding the wage gap in this country and female politicians that rally against it at the same time that it reflects their own payroll. Alls I can say is do your own research on it and come to your own conclusions. We’re goddamn Thought Cops, not pundits.

Finally, we end by talking about the sensitive and delicate topic of “punching down” in the comedy world, and what to do if your favorite comedian does it. Never fear though, because we’re on the case. If ever there is a comedian that punches up or down, we’ll be there to punch them back. If ever there’s a racist Youtube video that’s being monetized, we’ll be there to take that ad money and buy beer with it. If ever someone tells you to on Facebook to #deleteuber, we’ll be there to delete them from existence. If ever there’s a media elite Nazi vampire psychic pedophile slimeball frogman cloud person sucking the life energy out of free and independent media, we’ll be there with your medication. For we are: the Thot Thought Cops.

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