Case File 6

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Welcome to Thought Cops: Episode 6. Or if you’re George Lucas, you wouldn’t call it anything, because I’m guessing George Lucas doesn’t listen to this podcast. If you’re wondering, that’s the end to these jokes. They’ve run their course by now, I’m sick of them.

This week we talk about how weight scales trigger people that go to gyms, Snoop Dogg shooting a fake gun at “Ronald Klump,” and laws that fine men $100 each time they poke the bishop. You know, punching the one-eyed monster. Am I making any sense? Flogging their friend Richard.

Masturbation. That’s what I’ve been trying to say, masturbation. You get fined for masturbating. Will this law pass through Texas’s legislature? I have a better question, what’s a Texas? Isn’t that just Alexis’s last name?

If you get that joke you win a free ride-along in our Cop Car.

We also continue analyzing the performances of the Fantasy Celebrity Fighting League. Last week we pitted Leslie Jones against Ben Carson. This week, we talk about the upcoming boxing match between Alex Jones and Alec Baldwin. I just have one thing to say about it: if you think Alex Jones does anything but beat the absolute shit out of Baldwin, you need to start taking more red pills.

I went a little too off the deep end this episode and almost revealed a political opinion. We’re having an internal investigation unit look into the matter. Until that gets resolved, I deeply and humbly apologize, and I’ll keep the safety on next time.

One final note to the four three listeners of ours, we are looking into syndication options so that you can listen to the show on iTunes and Google Play and whatnot. That should be up in the next couple days along with a Facebook fan page and some other cool shit. Also check out some of our other pages while you’re here, the sentences page, the arrest warrants page, the book of internet laws, and apply to be a deputy (guest) of the show here.

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