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Welcome to episode 5 of Thought Cops, or if you’re George Lucas, episode “I hate sand because it’s coarse and it gets everywhere.” The year is 2017. On today’s episode, we cover a wide range of topics, from Women’s Day, to gay Disney characters, to Roger Stone calling stupid fat ugly bitches what they really are: stupid fat ugly bitches. Should the truth get you banned from the internet? I don’t know, is the government run by media elite psychic vampires bent on creating a new world order so that they can turn all of our amphibians into hermaphrodites? I think we all know the answer.

We also go over Reza Aslan’s new Hinduphobic television show that I forgot the name of. Here’s a clip of him chillin’ with some cannibals.

Apparently he also accidentally ate a piece of a human brain while filming this. Oops.

We also have an exclusive clip of the alleged gay character in the upcoming live-action Beauty and the Beast movie that’s outraging traditionalists across the country:

Finally, we end the show with who could win a fight with Ben Carson. We say that the only fight Ben Carson might win would be against Godzilla, because he’s a brain surgeon with tiny, tiny hands, who could sever the monster’s brain stem. Who else would Ben Carson win a fight against? Answer in the comments section below and win free episodes of our podcast for life. Also comment below if you shop regularly at Hobby Lobby, so that we can take a shot at diagnosing you for whatever brain disorder you might have.