Case File 3

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Welcome to Thought Cops. The year is 2017. We start off this episode by sentencing a large portion of last week’s perpetrators to euthanization, and it only gets better after that. If you can’t do the crime, don’t think the crime, that’s what I say.

This week we tackle Milo Yiannopolous’s ultimate downfall. He really shit into the fan with his latest batch of controversial opinions, which got his book cancelled, his invitation to CPAC redacted, and lost him a pretty sweet job as a part of the state-run media corporation Breitbart. Would the late Andrew Breitbart, a man who fought against the growing relationship politics and the media have, approve of Steve Bannon being in President Trump’s administration? I’ve got a better question: who the hell is Andrew Breitbart? Anyhow, I’m not here to tell you about my politics, I’m here to condemn you for yours.

Speaking of condemning people’s politics, we talk about Dexter Fowler and his foul mouth that keeps shoving his liberal ideologies down everyone’s throats. Who the hell do you think your are, answering questions people ask you, talking about your family, and saying how decisions made by a government by the people, for the people, affect you as a person. You should shut your mouth and stick to what you know best instead: winning World Serieses for the Chicago Cubs. What I’m trying to say is, please come back to Chicago, Dex. I love you.

We conclude by following up on two of our past stories, about Yale’s ongoing white supremacy and about Pewdiepie. The POODAHPAH video I referenced can be watched here:

He makes some insightful claims here, and maybe some of them actually vindicate him. But sorry Pewdiepie, if that is your real name, you still have to convert to Judaism. That’s the price you have to pay for fucking with the Thought Cops.

If you haven’t already, you can find all the criminal sentences up on the top menu, under “sentences.” Feel free to suggest your own if you’d like. The best part of this podcast is that it’s an interactive one. You get to be the judge, the jury, and the executioner, because as long as you have a Twitter account, you get to be a part of the outrage mob.

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