Case File 124 with Luke Taylor of The Shrimp Boys

Go nuts- we’ve got Luke Taylor of The Shrimp Boys and Helltrap Nightmare in studio with us this week after waging a posting war against Mr. Peanut and his many minions. Luke runs us through his harrowing tale of getting lightly salted, and lightly cancelled.

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Field Notes

Neo-Chicago, we’re in you! You beautiful cyberpunk city, I keep comin’ back cause I just can’t get enough of your sweet… ass?

Well, it’s the summertime, and you know what that means. That’s right, make sure to watch the dial on your air conditioner because cold temperatures may reinstate outdated gender norms. How? Your guess is as good as ours, zaddy! Disney is remaking another one of their classic animated films into another lifeless live action shell. This time it’s The Little Mermaid, and this time she is black. Well? Are you going to buy a ticket now?

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Case File 123 with Martin Felshman

Greetings! This week we have Chicago comedian Martin Felshman in studio (bedroom). Martin runs the weekly show Cupcake Comedy Cabaret here in Chicago, so if you’ve got a sweet tooth and want some laughs, don’t miss it! Martin is also the co-host of another Chicago podcast, Podzooky! So if you wanna hear about kaiju and want some laughs, don’t miss it! Oh yeah, Niko is here too!

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Field Notes

We’ve got a lot of problems this week, and none of them are “smol” potatoes. Pokemon fans are upset their favorite ‘mons might be left behind in a movement they’ve dubbed “Dexit”! In dumb people news: the bottle cap challenge is very popular.

5 words I’ve been waiting my whole life to say: The Dalai Lama Is Cancelled. That’s right, folks. That news may be hard to swallow, so make sure to wash it down with a hearty swig of GamerGirl Bath Water. It’s only $30 a jar.

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Case File 122 with Derrick Acosta of Mega64

This week we’re joined by Derrick Acosta of Mega64 and the Heartslayers podcast on episode 122 of Thought Cops! Make sure to give him a follow and a watch and a listen on all platforms! And check out this amazing fucking Metal Gear Solid video Mega64 made a little over a month ago:

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Derrick Acosta from Mega64 and Heartslayers on episode 122 of Thought Cops

Field Notes

This episode, Derrick helps us take down the thought criminals of the week, of which there are many. Louis CK performed at a ska festival called Skankfest and gave the audience a standing o. Or they gave him one. Oh god how do I find my way out of this euphemism.

Evangelion comes to Netflix, and everyone hates it. Because a boy doesn’t tell another boy he loves him or something. And then he jerks off into his hand? While New York, New York by Frank Sinatra’s playing in the background. Man, is anime weird.

Kim Kardashian tries to trademark the word “kimono” so as punishment we tie her to a chair and make her watch Andrew Dice Clay perform standup with Roseanne Barr. Shut the fuck up and take my money.

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Case File 121 with Danny Thompson of ShadowForks Games

I hope you’re all standing, because we’re about to start a new episode of Thought Cops! Joining us this week is Danny “The Street” Thompson of ShadowForks Games. He’s here to talk to us about the ethics in games journalism.

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Field Notes

Make sure to check out our call into Mega 64’s Poorly Played Stream!

Here’s Danny’s video about Death Note: The Musical:

 

This week, we try not to let the existential dread kick in as we talk about ironically detached stock phrases, the lack of sympathy the internet has for people, and the litter all over the streets and sidewalks. Danny also regales us with tales of his trip to E3.

This week we also make Gaten Matarazzo get a real fucking job, we talk about Rachel Dolezal doing bisexual-face, and OJ Simpson’s brand new Twitter account. We also narrowly avoid talking about Kyle Kashuv getting rejected from Harvard for saying the n-word, and something else about Anita Sarkeesian being in the news. Phew!

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Fire Bros: Book 11

Download Episode 11 of Fire Bros HERE!

Welcome to Book 11 of Fire Bros, the Thought Cops bonus episodes! This month, we’re talking about the final season of Game of Thrones, Detective Pikachu, John Wick 3, and Hereditary. If you have any suggestions for next episode, drop em below! Thanks for listening, and thanks for supporting the show.

Fire Bros episode 11, featuring discussion about Detective Pikachu, Game of Thrones, Hereditary, and John Wick 3

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Case File 120 with Ian Erickson

Do the thing, this week we have Ian Erickson of Punching Up on Thought Cops. He does the thing.

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Chicago comedian Ian Erickson of the Punching Up podcast joins Thought Cops for episode 120

Field Notes

SPOILER ALERT. We put all the things we talk about in the episode IN THIS POST. Lurkers beware. This week, we challenge Justin Bieber and Tom Cruise to a pizza roll eating contest, and NEITHER of them take us up on it.

Bad news for clown frogs everywhere, the “honk honk” meme got banned on Facebook. Also though, it didn’t. Looks like FAKE NEWS is a… REAL PROBLEM!

Also, hold off paying off your student loans until you’re at the end of your life (65), because if you do, it will only cost you TEN DOLLARS. Looks like instead of food, my generation will be eating the old.

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Case File 119 with Niko

Darken your eyeshadow and your souls, because this week on Thought Cops we’re joined by everybody’s favorite resident goth gamer girl, Niko.

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niko on episode 119 of thought cops

Field Notes

If you’re not tired of us beating a dead horse by constantly deconstructing the increasing monopolistic stranglehold on audiovisual internet content by Youtube, you’re in luck. Because this week Steven Crowder, aka “The Brain” from the Gay Rat Wedding Show on PBS goes head to head with Vox commentator Carlos Maza in who can use the most homophobic slurs and get their Youtube channel completely demonetized. You’ll never guess who wins. If we never have to talk about the Youtube adpocalypse or “Voxadpocalypse” again, I’ll stop drinking and clean up my act.

This episode we also plan our trip to Boston to celebrate Straight Pride, and we invent a new game for the parade that’s kind of like the Mark Wahlberg version of pin the tail on the donkey. We also make fun of how the McElroy brothers look, women who put their middle name as their last name on Facebook, and too many stairs.

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Case File 118 with Allan of Not for Human Consumption and Lisa of Garbage and Gold

Grab an antacid and loosen your belt, it’s episode 118 of Thought Cops! This week we’re joined once again by the Porklift himself, Allan of Not for Human Consumption, and new guest Lisa of the Garbage and Gold podcast. Both humiliatingly lost to Officer Grant in the horrifying display of humanity that was The 1st Annual NFHC Podcast Super Pizza Roll Championship Turbo Edition. Video below:

 

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pizza roll eating malort drinking Officer Grant defeats Lisa and Allan in battle on episode 118 of Thought Cops

Show Notes

Attention all #boymoms out there, make sure your kid isn’t jelqing. It’ll fuck up his dick, and then he’ll have to have massive incel reconstructive surgery because otherwise nobody will fuck him. Want California to float off into the ocean? Be the change you want to see in the world. Has all this “this okay sign is a white supremacist symbol” stuff gone on long enough? Two Chicago area high schools say: hahahaha fuck you bitches WE’RE NOT YET. Maybe this trend will be over as soon as George R.R. Martin finishes writing his goddamn books.

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Case File 117 with Kris Wilson of Cyanide & Happiness and Explosm

Pop a capsule and smash that play button, it’s your weekly episode of Thought Cops, with special guest Kris Wilson of Cyanide & Happiness and Explosm.net.

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Kris Wilson on episode 117 of Thought Cops

Show Notes

We’ve got a lot of paperwork to get through this episode. Alabama bans an episode of a children’s cartoon. Fucking SJWs. Game of Thrones leaves a water bottle on set. Apparently the crew cares just about as much as I do. Robert Pattinson is playing Batman, but hopefully we can get Kristen Stewart to play Catwoman and Taylor Lautner to play Joker. Everybody sign your change.org petitions. People I didn’t know existed, the Krassenstein brothers, get banned from Twitter, and get forced to move back into their parent’s house and sleep in their old bunk beds.

Speaking of online idiots getting too involved in politics, Youtubers need to stop running for public office, before we all really do end up living in a honk honk clown world. In other news, reply guys are taking over the internet, so load up your green squirt guns and barricade yourself in your house for protection.*****

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*****footnote: this is not a death threat

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Case File 116 with Hard Men Working Hard

Good day. This week on the beat we’re joined by the Hard Men Working Hard, Lakembra, Sam, and Aciou/Vistas. You can listen to them on Soundcloud, Youtube, Patreon, and their Bandcamp. Also check out their monthly podcast Filler Content, which is in basically all those links I just put.

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Hard Men Working Hard on Thought Cops episode 116

Show Notes

This week in honk honk clown world, we enter the dawn of a new culture war as Mr. Ratburn from somehow still-running PBS children’s show Arthur gets gay married. It’s as Karl Marx said in the Cultural Marxist Manifesto: “get together and make things better, by working together.” If you don’t think that’s bad, wait until you hear how despondent everyone becomes when we somehow end up talking about a Youtube makeup artist named James Charles. Maybe Uber is right in creating a quiet button for their drivers, except instead of only working in their cars, they silence everyone and everything.

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