Case File 133 with Jack Allison

Jack of all trades (sorry Jack): Jack Allison joins us this week! Jack has written for both Jimmy Kimmel and the Academy Awards, and currently hosts the podcast Struggle Session, and a morning show JackAM which streams weekdays on Twitch.

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Field Notes

Guess what? You made the cut on our facebook friends list purge, so you owe it to us to listen to this episode.

SNL attempts to stay relevant as a curious casting choice has the internet in uproar this week.  Shane Gillis from Matt And Shane’s Secret Podcast was hired and fired from Saturday Night Live as a controversial episode of their show was unearthed. Speaking of controversial, did someone say “vagina bones”? Well, the new Final Fantasy remake has fans curious where they went! But it’s not just video games on blast this week- board games aren’t content to be left behind as the Parker Brothers grasp at straws with “Ms Monopoly” and “Socialism Monopoly”.

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 132 with Brad Carter of The Phone Losers of America

Phone’s ringing, pick it up! It’s Brad Carter from The Phone Losers of America and The Snow Plow Show, on this week’s episode of Thought Cops!

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Field Notes

We’ve got a whole bunch of updates for you all this week. We have a new episode of Fire Bros, our bonus show, out this week. Also, every bonus episode we’ve ever done is now time stamped with the material we’ve covered, so you can skip ahead if you want! And if you’re an Honorary Deputy or Red Beret on Patreon, you’ll get a credit in any future videos we make! We also have new stickers out in the Thought Cops merch store, so check those out and slap em up wherever you want.

But this week: Brad helps us follow up with Chicken Watch 2019, where people are getting held at gunpoint for not supplying hungry customers with chicken sandwiches. And you all thought the Chicken Wars was a joke.

Speaking of jokes, Hitler has a head tattoo, has a hard time finding a job, and was just convicted of pedophilia. And no, that’s not a joke. We finally get to do something we’ve wanted to do for a long time on this show and punish Hitler. Fuck that guy.

Also in the news, InfoWars returns to Youtube for a day before getting cancelled yet again, and the Joker movie has been under some heavy fire for giving incels some bad ideas about retaliation. At least that’s what the internet told me. Which means that’s enough internet for the day. Sksk and I oop! Thanks for listening!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Fire Bros: Book 12

Welcome to Book 12 of Fire Bros, the Thought Cops bonus episodes! This month, we’re talking about Kung Pow! Enter the Fist, Drive, Twin Peaks: The Return, and The Raid: Redemption. If you have any suggestions for next episode, drop em below! Thanks for listening, and thanks for supporting the show.

Download Episode 12 of Fire Bros HERE!

Kung Pow! Enter the Fist- 2:22
Drive- 13:50
Twin Peaks: The Return- 27:04
The Raid: Redemption- 44:13

 

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Case File 131 with Brianna Murphy

The only good riot is a laugh riot (sorry) and this week we got one for ya: Brianna Murphy is back!

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Field Notes

We talk about doing our first ever live show, and we hit the ground running in one of our wildest eppys yet! Dave Chappelle’s latest Netflix special rustles some feathers, hey, speaking of feathers, we talk about the Chicken Wars! Brand twitter absolutely goes OFF this week as Popeyes, Chick-Fil-A, Wendy’s, and more, debate just who has the best chicken sandwich! Folks, we live in a society. Speaking of hacky comedy, Pete Davidson gets mad at people in his age group for being on their phones a lot. Not all heroes wear capes. We love that for you. We live in a republic.

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Case File 130 LIVE with Asterios Kokkinos and Sirancha

Finally- a live Thought Cops spectacular. And what better way to kick off our first live show than with our good friends Asterios Kokkinos and Sirancha, at the beautiful Crowd Theater in Chicago! It isn’t Thought Cops On Ice, but it is the next best thing.

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Field Notes

Asterios and Sirancha stop by Neo-Chicago on their Loudest Podcast tour, and we get together for a Thought Cops live special to delight the masses.

We gotta keep it real though. Conan, we love you, but podcasting is our game. Until you let us have our own late night show, stay the hell off the cover of Wired magazine. The artist formerly known as Bagel Boss is in some legal heat, The Simpsons post cringe, and why the fuck doesn’t Wario have any nipples?

So tune in to the show and watch it on YouTube if you can, because we’ve got some surprise appearances you won’t want to miss, including Brad Carter, creator of Phone Losers Of America!

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Case File 129 with Roast Mortem Cast

This week on Thought Cops we’re joined by all four members of the podcast Roast Mortem! If you haven’t checked em out yet, they do a great show where they roast the shit out of dead people. And as it turns out, most of them deserve it.

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Thought Cops episode featuring Roast Mortem podcast

Field Notes

This episode, Cody, Mike, Tom, and Travis throw their history books out and pick up a the book of LAW. With their help, we take down the cafeteria table meme, self-righteous news anchors, Facially Exaggerated Clickbait Engagement Screencaps, the entire internet for destroying our Geocities sites, the overdone trend of turning every song into a metal cover, and irritating Instagram features.

That’s not all though. There’s a new slur in town: Fredo. Coined by a guy who really likes coining slurs for himself. People are also upset that Rocko’s Modern Life made a character trans. Looks like that show’s about to get fucking cancelled. I wanted “modern life,” not “post-modern neo-Marxist” life. News also broke this week that everybody’s favorite porn star Mia Khalifa only made $12,000 from her brief career in pornography. Please donate to her Porntreon.

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 128 with Justin Whang

Creator of Tales From The Internet, Justin Whang (Instagram / Twitter) is back on the show! Justin’s channel is about to hit 500,000 subscribers, so be sure to hit that big red subscribe button and you might just be the lucky 500,000th subscriber. Maybe Justin will give you a prize or something, I don’t know.

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Field Notes

Point of privilege: we are going to be talking throughout the episode. There is also some clapping, so keep in mind this episode may not be for the faint of heart. So yes, we do talk about that DSA video.

Did You Know? In the face of national tragedy, people still die from the flu. Thanks Neil deGrasse Tyson. People are letting this guy scoot by because he’s a meme, right? Well, at least he isn’t a dog-beating YouTuber.

All that, and YOUR listener voicemails? You better believe it- don’t miss this episode!

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Episode produced by Commissioner Zwick

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Case File 126 with Brett Mercer of Big Time Garbage

It’s that time of the week, folks: garbage day, once again. Our good friend Brett Mercer of Big Time Garbage was in Neo-Chicago this week so you know that we had to do it to ’em.

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Field Notes

We might have had a little too much Malört this episode, but that’s never stopped us from doing our civic duty and doing it like a mother fucking sir. So, have a seat, this one’s a wild one. Oh, but uh, before ya do, keep in mind chairs are gendered now too, and cock and ball torture is mandatory. So whether you got a man hole or something else, no one is safe.

Being that Brett is visiting, we need to discuss the problem with Chicago pizza elitists, and put an end once and for all to the thinkpieces about what a real Chicago pizza is. We don’t play games here, and we aren’t Monopoly truthers either. Pass go and tell your friends to listen to Thought Cops.

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Case File 125 with Alex Schultz of Be Nice To Me Productions

Well hey, would you look at that! With us this week is Alex Schultz of Be Nice To Me Productions, a Chicago-based YouTube sketch comedy group, with some real wild-ass vidz that must be seen to be believed.

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Field Notes

Hey guys, there is an app on your phone that makes you look like an old FUCK. Check it out- here’s me!

Bagel Boss. 5 feet of pure bagel dough and rage! You aren’t god, or his father, or his boss, so make sure not to skip out on this embarrassing video! Make sure to watch it before you and all your facebook friends get gunned down by federal agents for trying to Naruto run your way into Area 51. Warning: This Is Epic.

There’s a new James Bond, and people are talkin’ about it! Spoiler: People have strong opinions on it. Spoiler: It isn’t Scarlett Johansson.

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