Are you in the right headspace for a new episode? Have you been thinking sexual thoughts about us that you’d like to share? Well hit that subscribe button and drop us a line at 312-788-7361. This week we uncover the internet’s dumbest man, who bought his wife an exercise bike for Christmas. See why people are sending him death threats. We also uncover the internet’s dumbest woman, Billie Eilish, who doesn’t know who Van Halen is. What a moron!
We’ve got another live show coming up in Chicago! January 2nd at the Crowd Theater featuring special guest Brianna Murphy! Be there or we’ll see you in Minecraft! Tickets available HERE!
The day of reckoning… is here! Hope you had your pizza, because Papa John is about to set the record straight. Popular twitch twerp Ninja talks shit about sportsball in an epic chapter of the neverending battle between nerds and jocks… Baby Y*da gifs have been pulled by Disney, while people tan their assholes.
Happy Thoughtsgiving! We’re gonna tell our kids this was a good podcast.
Lots of stuff happening this week, but it’s not a big deal for us or anything. We have the mental capacity/space to do so. Like Pete Buttigieg, we have high, high hopes. So, get in your poorly rendered Cybertruck for a ridealong that you’ll never forget!
Is there a podcast-HER? Mentally unsound comedian AaronKlopfer makes his triumphant return to Thought Cops! Make sure you check out his YouTube page KloppTube for all sorts of content you would expect from a man who uses facebook status updates in place of weekly therapy sessions.
Kevin made his Mega64 debut this week on the Poorly Played Stream. Simply put? Ya don’t wanna miss a second of it. It’s a blast!
We discuss the very real concern of Keanu Reeves burnout. He’s in everything these days and folks, we’re burning through him faster than fossil fuels. We also discuss how NOT to promote your art on social media, and the dangers or lack-thereof of wearing shorts every day in Chicago winters.
Disney Plus launched this week and had a few debacles or, as we’re going to call them, “Maclunkeys“. PayPal blocks pornhub for some reason, and gender reveals turn nasty (deadly).
Vito Gesualdi joins us this week on Thought Cops to help us do heroic shit while wearing capes. You can follow him on Twitter, check out his Youtube channel, and purchase his board game Enemy Weapon here.
This week, we get our hands into the Epstein coverup story, which somehow takes second seat to the new Pokemon game that’s about to come out. We also spend a lot of time talking about T.I.’s daughter’s virginity check-ins, a topic I think we could’ve all done without knowing.
Not all heroes wear capes, but we might start soon just to make you look like a fucking idiot. Then and only then will Nintendo finally hire us.
Make sure to check out Officer Kevin on Mega64’s Poorly Played Stream this Wednesday at 7pm PST/9pm CST on their Twitch channel.
Another one bites the dust- millenials have claimed the life of another innocent. This time? The Manhattan Power Lunch. Now, this might have you saying “OK Boomer”. And if so, you can get a t-shirt for the sentiment. Unlike our listeners, Netflix is rolling out a new format for lazy and impatient people in which you can watch movies at 1.5x the speed! Art is art, and so is podcasting.
Should we finally buckle down and make a Thought Cops tiktok? Let us know at 312-788-7361.
Good boy Charls Carroll joins us for a special Thought Cops episode, full of laughter and mirth to be had by all. You may know Charls from his days with Million Dollar Extreme and World Peace, or from his project Bombstrap, or even from his Twitch streams. Hell, he even has his own World!
Boomers got you down? Calling you an incel? Telling you to stop instagramming all the food porn you have saved on your phone? Well, you’ve come to the right place. Charls has been deputized this episode to help us sort out all of the woes of the internet, and he’s got a huge smile on his face the whole time he’s doing it.
Post your four favorite Jokers and Officers Kevin and Grant will decide whether or not you have rights. That’s the Thought Cops promise. If your list doesn’t include Mark Hamill’s Joker, and if he doesn’t have giant anime titties, you’re WRONG. If your Joker dances to pedophile music, you’re also wrong. If your Joker doesn’t say the n-word, to the gulag with you. God I hope we don’t have to talk about the fucking Joker anymore on this show.
Speaking of “jokers,” South Park manages to get deleted from an entire country for being too offensive. Do the Chinese not have human rights?!? We also talk about Gamer Girl Bath Water Girl getting arrested for getting her hamster stolen and drawing on someone’s car and honestly the more I read about her the more I sympathize with the Joker. #weareallclowns
Konnichiwa! This week on Thought Cops, we’re joined by Jake Jacobson, formerly Mark Whitney of the former American Tribune, currently the curator of the This is an Interesting Political Compass page on Facebook. He’s here to help promote our joint venture NARUTO RUN AROUND EVERY TRUMP TOWER (IN THE WORLD), an event you should definitely check-in to and invite all your friends to.
This week, we’re taking down one of the biggest culprits to all of the ills of society: Science. I fucking hate it! Followed up by digging up dead people like George Carlin to help us win political arguments for us. And we finally tackle the problem of poor men making less money than women and how that’s somehow a microaggression against women because now they have to marry some poor schmuck that makes less money than them. Gotta blame someone for… poverty, I guess.
Also, you can go ahead and throw away your Halloween costume, because apparently Halloween is CANCELLED. And make sure to throw out your husband and your trans child, because according to Hillary Clinton, that’s basically the same thing. Although according to this article she didn’t so what the fuck do I know. Like comment and subscribe, citizen.