This week, Mitch aids us in the fight against airplane seat punchers, NASA hoaxes, PSAs for straight dudes idolizing bad characters, motivation porn, and cat instagrams turning into baby instagrams.
Also a moment of silence for the Romphim. 2017-2020. Also a moment of silence for Papa John’s reputation, which breathed its last breath this week when he revealed he didn’t really eat 40 pizzas in a month. How else will I be disappointed in 2020? Tune in next week to find out!
Remember the Super Bowl? That was an entire year ago. Also though it was last week. And apparently the NFL is facing some trouble for having too sexy of a halftime show.
Officer Grant was also vindicated this week because of his prediction that marketing campaigns, such as the Planter’s Peanuts “Baby Nut” mascot, are trying to turn us all into babies. Goo goo.
There’s also a fun new social media app called Giggle that’s only for women, and there is definitely nothing that could be problematic as a result of the face-scanning software they use on the website.
We also help topple the Roman empire, cancel Abraham Lincoln, and we all get verified on Twitter. Hooray!
Sick of your friends telling you that we’re living in the movie Idiocracy? Yeah, so are we. However, this week America comes together to mourn the loss of one of it’s greatest icons: Mr Peanut. Sound familiar? A MSNBC host has a major flub where her one job was to not have that one specific flub, and there are some new emojis I guess. Check em out!
Finally in outrage news this week, Vince Vaughn, lifelong republican, shook hands with the President of the United States. I demand Blockbuster Video give me a full refund for my purchase of the DVD of Dodgeball that I purchased in 2004.
Welcome to Book 15 of Fire Bros, the Thought Cops bonus episodes! This month, we’re joined by Witten, who helps us review Uncut Gems, Happy!, The Irishman, and Mandy. If you have any suggestions for next episode, drop em below! Thanks for listening, and thanks for supporting the show.
Hope you’re having a normal one, because this week on Thought Cops we have the talented, wonderful LowRes Wünderbred to help us lay down the law AESTHETICALLY. You can find his Youtube channel here and his trippy website, podcast, and everything else here.
Keep having a normal one, my dude! You can only listen to this episode today! Hurry up, before the dopamine runs out.
LowRes helps us trudge through the bullshit news of the week, from Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina-scented candle, to Meghan Markle and her husband (whoever that is) leaving the Royal Family, to Jillian Michaels challenging Lizzo to a pushup contest. You can see why the dopamine hasn’t been doing its job lately. Anyway, hope this episode is a good way to start your week!
K9 Service Pupparino Alex “Woof Woof” Schultz promotes his newest magnum dong opus “A Profoundly Angry Young Man“. Keep your eyes open and you may just see your second-favorite Thought Cops host make an appearance!
Twitter announces they are rolling out a new feature where when you say “don’t @ me”, no one will. Warner Brothers announces that they are going to use an AI program to produce movies, and a polyamorous couple announces they have snacks for their boyfriend’s girlfriend’s girlfriend.
This was our second live show we’ve done at the Crowd Theater in Chicago. Brianna performed some standup, we hated on airplane feet, Facebook, and bro ads, and we sentenced the Top Ten Rocks songs of the decade, the Pope, and a couple of large boys using our brand new wheel of punishment. Malort was consumed, familiar faces were seen, and laughs were had by all. 2020’s already turning out to be a good year.
“Fire Bros? W.T.F. is that,” you may be wondering. Well, if you donate at least $2 to us on Patreon, you’ll get access to ALL of the episodes of our spin-off show Fire Bros where we review four different pieces of media each month. Who else but the Thought Cops could determine what is and isn’t safe for public consumption? Will Joker up in the Library Of Regress, or will it be burned along with the forgotten pages of history? Tune in to find out!
Click here to buy a ticket for our live show on January 2nd at the Crowd Theater!
In our final episode of the decade, we look to the twitter toilet for answers. Turns out, it might just be a prank to rile us up? And 99.99% of people didn’t bother to check the OP’s bio? Yeah, that tracks.
We also read some relationship advice this week, and learn about history. Hallmark Channel pulls a holiday ad because they thought they’d lose money, and then puts it back up realizing that they could indeed make more money.